so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will be naked everywhere
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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