my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
