ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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