why didn't you poke me back
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
