put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
