come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
