proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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