Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
