My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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