And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
