dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
