We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
