Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
