Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
