bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
