Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
