lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
