You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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