Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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