then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
