I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
