Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
