What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
