She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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