Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize