O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
