You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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