Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
