I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
