There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
