I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
