Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
