This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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