shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
