the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
