I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
