Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
