Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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