They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize