and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
