Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
