The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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