He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
