I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
