Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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