I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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