If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she peed on how many people?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
