Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
