Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
