Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
