i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
