I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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