yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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