A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
