he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
