got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
