did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
