WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Randomize
