Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
