you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
