You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm passing your future prison.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
