can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
