i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
