If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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