He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
