My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
