you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
