I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
