i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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