i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
