My first STD was from a foam party
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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