Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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