i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
