I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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