Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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