I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
