I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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