I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
