hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
