i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
