What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
