Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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