im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
