I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
