the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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