It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
