my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
