And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
