I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
