Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
