can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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