Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
