It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize