also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
