Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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