I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
