they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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