i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
