what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
