Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
