I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
