So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize