Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
