Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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